{"product_id":"official-dachshund-life-is-like-a-toilet-theres-always-an-asshole","title":"Official Dachshund Life Is Like A Toilet Theres Always An Asshole Unisex T-shirt, Sweatshirt, Hoodie, Long Sleeve Tee","description":"\u003ch3\u003ePremium DTG Printed Apparel – Made to Order\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eImagine scrolling past this and NOT getting it. Yeah, we can’t either. Soft Gildan® cotton, studio-quality print, and a fit that just works. You’re welcome.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e📸 \u003cem\u003eImage shows a tee, but this design is printed on \u003cstrong\u003e4 styles\u003c\/strong\u003e: T-Shirt, Long Sleeve, Sweatshirt \u0026amp; Hoodie. Select your preferred style at checkout – every piece is made to order, exactly how you pick it.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhy You’ll Love It\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🎨 \u003cstrong\u003eLooks Fresh, Stays Fresh\u003c\/strong\u003e – High-res DTG printing captures every detail. Machine-wash friendly.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🧵 \u003cstrong\u003eSkin-Friendly \u0026amp; Soft\u003c\/strong\u003e – OEKO-TEX certified Gildan® fabric. No harsh chemicals, just pure comfort.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e👕 \u003cstrong\u003eDesigned for Real Life\u003c\/strong\u003e – Classic silhouette, taped shoulders, itch-free tear-away label. Wear it anywhere.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e🇺🇸 \u003cstrong\u003eUS Cotton, Real Quality\u003c\/strong\u003e – Proud member of the US Cotton Trust Protocol. Feel good about what you wear.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFabric \u0026amp; Construction\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eT-Shirt \u0026amp; Long Sleeve:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% US cotton, 5.3–6 oz – soft, breathable, classic fit.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSweatshirt \u0026amp; Hoodie:\u003c\/strong\u003e 50\/50 Heavy Blend (8 oz) – pill-resistant with spandex cuffs \u0026amp; waistband.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cem\u003eSport Grey is 90\/10 cotton\/poly for a heathered look.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eFind Your Perfect Fit\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eUse the charts below to pick your ideal color and size:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"pc-card\"\u003e\n\u003cstyle\u003e\n  .pc-card { margin:16px 0; background:transparent; color:inherit; border:1px solid currentColor; border-color:color-mix(in srgb, currentColor 15%, transparent); border-radius:12px; padding:20px; line-height:1.4; }\n  .pc-card *, .pc-card *::before, .pc-card *::after { box-sizing:border-box; }\n  .pc-title { margin:0 0 16px; font-size:1.1em; font-weight:700; }\n  .pc-grid { display:grid; grid-template-columns:repeat(6, 1fr); gap:22px 8px; justify-items:center; margin:0 0 4px; }\n  .pc-swatch { display:flex; flex-direction:column; align-items:center; width:100%; max-width:78px; text-align:center; }\n  .pc-swatch svg { display:block; margin-bottom:8px; filter:drop-shadow(0 1px 2px rgba(0,0,0,0.25)); }\n  .pc-swatch span { font-size:0.76em; font-weight:700; letter-spacing:0.02em; text-transform:uppercase; }\n  .pc-style { margin-top:18px; border-top:1px solid currentColor; border-color:color-mix(in srgb, currentColor 15%, transparent); padding-top:12px; }\n  .pc-style summary { cursor:pointer; font-weight:700; font-size:1em; list-style:none; }\n  .pc-style summary::-webkit-details-marker { display:none; }\n  .pc-style summary::before { content:\"\\25B8\"; display:inline-block; width:1em; transition:transform .15s ease; font-size:0.8em; }\n  .pc-style[open] summary::before { transform:rotate(90deg); }\n  .pc-style .pc-tw { overflow-x:auto; margin-top:10px; }\n  .pc-style table { width:100%; min-width:280px; border-collapse:collapse; font-size:0.88em; }\n  .pc-style th, .pc-style td { padding:7px 10px; text-align:left; white-space:nowrap; border-bottom:1px solid currentColor; border-color:color-mix(in srgb, currentColor 12%, transparent); }\n  .pc-style th { font-weight:600; opacity:0.65; }\n  @media (max-width:480px) {\n    .pc-grid { grid-template-columns:repeat(3, 1fr); gap:16px 6px; }\n    .pc-swatch svg { width:44px; height:44px; }\n    .pc-style table { font-size:0.82em; }\n  }\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"pc-title\"\u003eAvailable Colors\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-grid\"\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#FFFFFF\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhite\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#25282A\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBlack\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#CABFAD\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSand\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#97999B\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSport Grey\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#263147\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNavy\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#E4C6D4\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight Pink\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#224D8F\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRoyal\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#5F605B\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePepper\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#424F5A\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDark Heather\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#2F4538\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eForest Green\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"pc-swatch\"\u003e\n\u003csvg viewbox=\"0 0 120 120\" width=\"56\" height=\"56\" aria-hidden=\"true\"\u003e\u003cpath d=\"M40,8 L25,8 L4,26 L18,46 L30,36 L30,112 L90,112 L90,36 L102,46 L116,26 L95,8 L80,8 C80,20 71,26 60,26 C49,26 40,20 40,8 Z\" fill=\"#A4C8E1\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-opacity=\"0.25\" stroke-width=\"2\"\u003e\u003c\/path\u003e\u003c\/svg\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLight Blue\u003c\/span\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdetails class=\"pc-style\" open\u003e\u003csummary\u003eGildan 5000 — Unisex T-Shirt\u003c\/summary\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"pc-tw\"\u003e\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eBust\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 in (71.1 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 in (91.4 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 in (73.7 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40 in (101.6 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 in (76.2 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e44 in (111.8 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 in (78.7 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48 in (121.9 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 in (81.3 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 in (132.1 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e3XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 in (83.8 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e56 in (142.2 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 in (86.4 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e60 in (152.4 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003c\/details\u003e\u003cdetails class=\"pc-style\"\u003e\u003csummary\u003eGildan 2400 — Unisex Long Sleeve Tee\u003c\/summary\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"pc-tw\"\u003e\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eBust\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSleeve\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 in (71 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36 in (92 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33.5 in (85 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 in (74 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40 in (102 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35 in (89 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 in (76 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e44 in (112 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36.5 in (93 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 in (79 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48 in (122 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38 in (97 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 in (81 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 in (132 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39.5 in (100 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e3XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 in (84 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e56 in (142 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39.5 in (100 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34 in (86 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e60 in (152 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39 in (99 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003c\/details\u003e\u003cdetails class=\"pc-style\"\u003e\u003csummary\u003eGildan 18000 — Unisex Sweatshirt\u003c\/summary\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"pc-tw\"\u003e\u003ctable\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eLength\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eBust\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth\u003eSleeve\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27 in (68.6 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e40 in (101.6 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33.5 in (85.09 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28 in (71.1 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e44 in (111.8 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e34.5 in (87.63 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29 in (73.7 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e48 in (121.9 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e35.5 in (90.17 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003eXL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30 in (76.2 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52 in (132.1 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e36.5 in (92.71 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e2XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31 in (78.7 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e56 in (142.2 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e37.5 in (95.25 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e3XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32 in (81.3 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e60 in (152.4 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e38.5 in (97.79 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e4XL\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e33 in (83.8 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e64 in (162.6 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e39.5 in (100.33 cm)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\u003c\/details\u003e\u003cdetails class=\"pc-style\"\u003e\u003csummary\u003eGildan 18500 — Unisex Hoodie\u003c\/summary\u003e\u003cdiv 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